i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
