is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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