Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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