All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize