the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
