We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
