Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
