how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
