I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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