this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
