Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
