I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
