Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
