It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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