After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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