Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
