Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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