found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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