She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I love black thongs
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
