So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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