he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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