The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
why is half of my head shaved?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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