3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
