is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
