I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
