Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
