things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
