me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When did angry sex become our thing?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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