...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
