There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
