You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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