I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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