When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
