neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
is it fun? or sober?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
