just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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