Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
