Barsexuality is the new black.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
