is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
