she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
