You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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