he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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