He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
