Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
