I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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