Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
