No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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