They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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