I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
