Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
