YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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