She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
