dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
someone owes me an orgasm
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
