So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
