i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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