toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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