So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
