I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
