maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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