I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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