Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
