I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
