i barfeds in our rink
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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