R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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