Umm I'm too high to move.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
