you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
