I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just found puke in my bra..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
PANTIES FOUND
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