You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
