you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
