I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My breasts were aching with rage.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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