So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
